apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
