First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
