You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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