She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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