I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
