I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
