Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
