She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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