Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
