I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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