So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
