happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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