Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if only i could text you this smell
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
