i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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