so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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