Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
