I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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