A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
