having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
