Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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