the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
