This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
