3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
