hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
