don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
