I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
