she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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