The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
