I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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