Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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