So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
