Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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