somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
