He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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