It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
