He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
