just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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