Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
