i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
