D3 body, D1 cock
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
