Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
