I didn't shave. On purpose
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
