My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
