so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
