He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
