So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
