I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
