I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
