well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
