Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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