Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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