did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
