if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
