We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
