I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
