i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
