i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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