how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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