I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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