Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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