At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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