I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
