I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
