Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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