I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
