My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
