Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
