names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
