just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
