that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
