Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
