I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
