How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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