thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
