In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
