i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
