Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He shit in the fireplace
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
