I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
